I cannot deny that I'm intellectually-inclined and that technical details and abstract principles and structures fascinate me. As far as I know I've always been like this. When a subject catches my attention I want to see how far I can go...of course not, I'm not saying this out of pride or arrogance. I seem to invariably find humility in my search.
When I taught myself music, I learned that I'm not really that talented musically but came to have a deeper appreciation for all music. This realization was more than enough to offset my personal disappointment that I lack talent. This, to me, is humility.
When I became fascinated with physics, I wasn't just into the new-agey quasi-spiritual interpretations of it. I wanted the mathematics behind it. I found tremendous pleasure in contemplating the Lorentz transformation rules rendering of Einstein's theories of relativity. When I tried and tutor someone on the difference equations of electrical circuits and the answers came out correct I bowed down to the genius of the human mind to grasp such things and I felt the presence of God.
Some would think that religious impulse was at odds with someone like me but the analogy that I'd conjure is this: I know that our visual perception can only perceive a very small sliver of the electro-magnetic radiation spectrum (ie, the visible light) but what truly magical stuff aesthetically and technically. This makes possible Van Gogh, de Vinci, and Newton (and also I'd include here Goethe who saw the nature of light as the artists see it). Some animals themselves are greater than us humans in that they can perceive things we cannot. Humility.
I've been accused of being a "Mr know-it-all" but that really is to mistake my boundless enthusiasm for discovery - though sometimes I wonder too if I'm just a tiring person to be around. I think it's a bit of both.
I've said that I'm trying to re-discover my Christian roots. I'm not into the dogmatic stuff neither does the overly/overtly emotional drivel satisfy me by any stretch. I just pity those who seek no further (both atheists and religious fundamentalists). Truly, in this case, little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
I've been fascinated by the Jewish culture and traditions since a good friend of mine pointed out years ago that the Hebrew script consists almost entirely of basic consonantal values. I just had to find out how such a script would account for vowels...the power of the notion of orthographical conventions (overt and covert) never fail to fascinate and overwhelm me.
I was doing my morning devotional when I discovered a very cool website that I wanted to share here: http://www.hebrew4christians.com/index.html
This site teaches not only the Hebrew script (and some Greek) and expounds the sources of Christian faith, but semiologically-speaking it is a veritable treasure trove and provides a more realistic context for the words and sayings of the Christ. There are certain conceptual/spiritual principles that I've been aware of since I went crazy on the Kabbalah and saw some of the source material of the teachings of the Christ, but this site is specifically developed for Christian sensibilities.
Uncovering all this also made me wonder about the Muslim faith which is also a daughter of the monotheism of Judaism and a younger (more sophisticated in my estimation) sister of Christianity. At the flowering of Islamic culture, the unparalleled intellectual and spiritual heights it achieved go largely under-estimated and under-appreciated to the cost of humanity. It is not hard to infer by current state of affairs the depth and extent of the true evil that so-called sheiks like bin Laden and other charismatics/dictators have levelled against this great faith.
This evil lays inherently hidden in the three great world religions actually, sometimes from within, sometimes from the outside in the form of willful ignorance of the faith's achievements. The writings of the sages are our only hope for humanity. These source materials makes one realize how utterly evil and stupid demagoguery is and what destruction it is capable of (of course with the consent of the willing goyim in its spiritual sense: ie, cattle).
But I refuse to throw the baby out with the bathwater. There is just too much beauty and majesty in the divine to be dogmatic and/or offhandedly dismissive about spiritualism. My chosen faith is Christianity and in its apologia I have total faith.